i can barely remember september. it is as if the memory faded as quickly as it was made. i blame my brain. i blame the days that look alike, the life that was never more the same. i could blame the world, outside my room. but actually only i am to blame, for the barely remembered september.
i feel i’m a bit on the late side to write about last month, but i’ve just been feeling overwhelmed. and weird. and uninspired to write. but now i slowly feel some life flooding back into the part of my brain that loves blogging.
Looking back at the month of June, I had a slightly repetitive routine. I was glad to have school on my mind, as it kept me busy, and thankfully let it consume most of my day. I thought I’d share my typical routine and reflect on my experience with getting online classes.
Hi, you are catching me at a great time. The beginning of my summer vacation. And I only realized it was the beginning of my summer vacation a few days ago. And then the next thing I realized was… I have 68 days of free time. That is 9 weeks. 2 months. Which I am not planning on spending making money, which probably had been a good idea, but I do love my freedom.
Then, of course, everyone in my direct environment was asking me, and I was starting to ask myself… What am I going to do in these 2 months of endless summer?
I swear, this week felt like a whole month. When I look at the pictures of the beach I took I can’t believe that was past Sunday. For a minute I thought my phone had it wrong. I think it’s because of the weather: it was really hot and sunny in the beginning of the week, but the sun has swapped for wind and rain in the last few days.
posting this wishing no-one reads it or that everyone does, hoping to find kindness, which i know all of you are all the time
Writing this down I find it hard to start. I guess I’ll start by telling you how much I hate you. I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings, but it’s the truth. I hate how you make me feel when I’m in a new situation. Telling me that it is probably not even going to work, to not even try. Even before failing, before gaining lessons. For putting doubts in my head that weigh me down, even when I most need you not to. You make me doubt my every move, whispering your silent, empty words, gnawing at my good thoughts. Eating away Carelessness and Confidence. “Will you ever have enough?” I sometimes ask you. No is your reply. “No and you couldn’t stop me even if you tried.” Because it’s not that I don’t try to get rid of you. I’ve read my share of books and quotes. When will it be enough?