As july engrained its memories into my soul I was grateful.
I feel i’ve been standing still this month, taking a deliberate breath,
like a comma in a sentence,
to be able to learn and grow,
but also to take it slow.
July has thought me a lot,
that standing still doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not moving,
that looking ahead or rather worrying can be so useless,
but so hard to stop.
And that every day will look and feel differently than you imagined it to,
which is why,
was so full of surprises.
July was also all over the place. Especially in the beginning of the month, I started off very enthusiastically working on all the points from one of my previous posts. And it was nice to do these things since I did not have a lot planned. But as the first week passed, I made a lot of plans with friends. The current virus seemed to seep to the back of my mind and I could finally take a small breath from it. Not worrying at every turn or thing I wanted to plan. It was a welcome breath of air.
The first meet up was with one of my best friends and we had to get bagels. It was so nice to finally sit down somewhere and just chat and chat and eat. I love hanging out with her so so much. A week or so later we also had a picnic, which I hope we will make an annual thing. There is something so relaxing about laying on a tablecloth in the sun, whilst talking the day away.
And speaking of picnics, I also had one with my high school friend group! It was such a miracle that everyone could join in! We had a lot of fruit and sandwiches and cookies and chips and we made sure everything was corona-proof of course!
I cleaned my room and threw away a lot of stuff. Also donated a lot of my old stuffed animals to the local thrift store. And still had this banner from when I got back from my exchange to Spain, which I had to capture before I said goodbye to it.
I spent a lot of time editing all the clips I had from our trip to Malaysia last year. It was such a lovely thing to do since it made me look back on everything we’ve done that summer and gave me a very summer-y feeling. It was also my first time making a proper stop-motion video, which was so much fun to do!
I bought a tweed skirt via Vinted. I was so excited about it that I put it on immediately. It fit perfectly!
I ran a few times this month and tried to do it a bit more regularly than usual. It was a welcome break from the four walls of my bedroom and I always feel so energized after a good run.
Something I’ve also been doing more often is baking and cooking. Every week I cook dinner for our family once to learn new recipes and actually be able to care for myself when I move out (when that will be, I do not know, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared!). I made a savory plate pie, which is one of my favourite things to eat for dinner. Here you can find the recipe for the cookies and here for the victoria sponge cake pictured on the images above!
The second week of July I wasn’t feeling very well. I had a lot of space for thought and let myself get really carried away in those thoughts. I was convincing myself I had to earn money, since I had just heard that I probably would not be able to work at my regular job until October. This stressed me out in a way. At the same time I let myself be bombarded with things I wanted to buy, like clothes on depot and other clothing apps… This wasn’t helping, so I deleted all those apps and tried to tell myself that I didn’t need anything.
This was also something that looking back I shouldn’t really have been worried about. I even have another job now!
I think I also felt like my bubble was popped quite suddenly after three months. Interactions with the outside world seem harder or as hard as they once were. Making appointments and even selling my old phone had me shaking. I hate to feel like that, but looking at it differently as I did on that day: “Maybe this pain is part of becoming an adult. Of becoming. I should be proud of the pain because it means I’m going out of my comfort zone.”
The bubble popping was caused by going with the train for the first time in months. I went to Gouda with a friend and we had a very fun day. Still I couldn’t help but feel out of place or rather a feeling like I shouldn’t be visiting cities in this time.
In the last week of July I drove a lot more and had my first day at my new job. I felt really anxious in the moments leading up to those things, but in the end everything was fine. This always makes me wonder why I worry so much!
Yesterday me and my brother went to see Harry Potter in Kino Rotterdam. Another ‘first in three/four months’… And we’ve never been to this particular cinema in Rotterdam, which was exciting! It was great seeing Harry Potter on the big screen, since I’ve never had the opportunity to actually see the films when they were released.
The month of July is also the month in which our whole downstairs floor is being re-done. We helped to get all the furniture out of the living/dining room and kitchen and my dad got rid of the old wooden floors. Now they are egalizing and placing the new floor, so for us it’s been living outside and upstairs for the last week and upcoming weeks. I can’t wait to see how it turns out!
The Making of Frozen II
the Babysitter’s Club
and a lot of movies…
the Raven Cycle (finished the series!) – Maggie Stiefvater
The year I met you – Cecilia Ahern
The Toymakers – Robert Dinsdale
I listened to…
I hope you liked taking a trip down memory lane of July. It was quite a lengthy post but you made it to the end!
love, eva ✍︎
pictures used in first image are from pinterest;